dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
