I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
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His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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