just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
