yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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