Swine flu is the new snow day.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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