I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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