it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
