dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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