eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
