So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
