So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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