Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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