well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
