plz talk dirty to me
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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