I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize