You're so nebulous sometimes
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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