I just pynch a tree in the face
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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