She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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