I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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