I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
