dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
