i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
