i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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