Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
