it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
