I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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