I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
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You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
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The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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