in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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