Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
