I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
