I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
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He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
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Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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