Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
