Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize