When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The struggles of a small town man whore
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
