are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
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just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
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i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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