I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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