i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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