Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
