I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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