I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
