You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
