My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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