you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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