but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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