Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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