well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
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We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
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Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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