I was born with a shot glass in my hand
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
