theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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