How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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