Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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