apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
