so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
