Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
