yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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