I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
