as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
