and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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