there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
