Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
