At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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