WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
